Things I'm Too Old For

• Open Bar Deals: I couldn't handle them as a sorority girl in college, what made me think I could handle them now?
• Cleavage shirts/dresses/sweaters: I am not in Playboy. I am not a Pussy Cat Doll. I am not Pamela Anderson. I am no longer [INSERT AGE YOUNGER THAN MY CURRENT AGE]. It is time to retire.
• Being insecure about my body: I'm so over trying to be a stick figure. I'm not planning on quitting the gym anytime soon but I like my curves so I'm going to enjoy them.
• Dancing on top of bars, tables, stools, chairs: or on anything that can possibly cause me to fall on my face and hurt/embarrass myself. Although I haven't done this in a while, I'm officially taking it off the table (pun intended). I'm clumsy to begin with and afraid of heights so I'm no longer going to take such a big risk with a low percent of positive return.
• Holding grudges: whether it is being mad at myself or somebody else, it's time to just let it go. Why waste time being mad or sad when it's so much more fun being happy? Moving on!